Slap-Dropped at Croxfest

Croxfest is an annual festival on The Green, within a walk of our house and featuring all local bands. It’s never too packed, there are plenty of food stalls plus two pubs on The Green itself

We honestly set off to take Ruby for a walk and watch just one band. It was threatening to rain but there was a ska band, The Ska Faces, on at two o’clock which we fancied seeing, and while we were at it the band just before them, The Imaginary Hat, looked quite interesting describing themselves as 'Gypsy rhythms meet New Orleans jazz meet Brit rock,' bringing 'early jazz and swing styles into the 21st Century, creating rock songs with a vintage twist.'

Sue asked if I wanted to take some beers up, but it seemed a bit early in the day and I declined. We walked Ruby up there while our son, Kai, got showered after a three-hour morning shift at the bar and promised to join us in time for The Ska Faces.

We’d arranged to meet Pete and Gail, who turned up with Emily and Fred, and within minutes I’d decided that a beer would go down very nicely with this kind of music. Sue phoned Kai and we made him walk up there with a bottle of Prosecco, two or three bottles of real ale and half a crate of Brew Dogs.

Even so, everything should have been okay. We could have managed that between us. We stayed to see Billington and Quinn, a kind of Americana band, and then Brocker, a three-piece Punk ‘n’ Roll band from St Albans. And like I say, if it hadn’t started raining we’d have been fine, but Kai was the first to throw in the towel. 'Fuck this, I’m off to the pub,' he said halfway through the Brocker set, and it wasn’t long before we decided to join him.

Pete drove Sue home with the chairs and Ruby, and Gail and I wandered down to The Coach to get the drinks in. It was HEAVING with wet festival goers. Pete and Sue arrived to inform us that The Soul Enforcement Bureau, an eight-piece classic soul tribute band, sounded really great as they drove past, but we somehow managed to find a table. Kai joined us and ordered some bangers ‘n’ mash for his dinner, and we were set.

Or at least Sue and I were set. Kai had to shoot off back to work, and as Pete & Gail had an early start in the morning, they felt they’d had enough. But Sue and I had found a table, and it was still raining outside, and it seemed like we'd got our second wind.

I think that’s where it all started to get a bit messy.

The pub crowd petered out a bit, then filled up again, then petered out again and so on as the rain continued. Eventually, after drinking all of the afternoon and most of the evening away we thought we’d head back to the festival, take a final walk through in case we saw anyone we knew, and head for home.

At least that was the idea. Hertfordshire-based Our Friends Electric were playing when we arrived, and as they were pretty good it was only natural to stay and watch for a while. By now it was absolutely pouring, but we didn’t care. I found one solitary Brew Dog in Sue’s rucksack and it’s fair to say we were both in a really great mood.

And it was then that we were both slap-dropped. We didn’t see it coming. The guy was bare-chested and covered in tattoos, but it was the girl who was the obvious distraction. It’s fair to say that even in the rain she was sizzling hot!

Blonde, clear skin tanned a golden brown, she was wearing a transparent thong (I noticed that when she slap-dropped me), jeans and a loose-fitting vest. No bra. I pride myself on attention to detail when it comes to such matters, and as the deluge had resulted in a translucent effect to her top it would be no exaggeration to say that her nipples had come out to play in the rain. You can appreciate the distraction.

SLAP-DROP!

Never saw it coming.

They stayed for a while, teaching us how to slap-drop (I wasn’t very good at it) and then wandered off to slap-drop another couple.

And just then Phil & Sandra turned up out of nowhere. We’d been expecting to see them earlier, but I think they were braving the rain while we were sitting in The Coach.

They were with friends; Sven & Karen, who we’ve met once before, and a few others. 'We’re having a party,' said Karen, 'Why don’t you come back? We’ve got plenty of booze and Sven’s going to bar-b-que.'

The final band, DeLorean, were pretty good, and by this time everyone was in pretty high spirits. We managed to pick up some booze and it was back to Sven & Karen’s, still in the shorts I’d mowed the lawn in earlier in the day. However, as everyone was dressed for Croxfest, I didn’t really look out of place.

What a cracking cottage Sven & Karen have, tucked away out of site and with their own paddock, complete with horses. The front door is around the back and a gazebo completely wrapped the front and side of the house. We had a great time. Their friends were great and we enjoyed their company. But we’d been drinking for about eleven hours solid.

We originally set off to walk Ruby up to Croxfest for an hour at one o’clock in the afternoon and it was now midnight.

What is wrong with us?