Posh Kebab Shop

HERE’S A BUSINESS IDEA THAT’S BOUND TO TAKE OFF.

There are posh coffee shops all over the place, offering coffee with Italianesque names like venti grande chai latté, wiener eiskafee, Mozart kaffee or binnaway bong bong burrumbuttock. They tart the place up a little and charge ten times the regular rate for a cup of coffee. As a business plan the Dragons in the Den would take the piss out of it something rotten, but for some reason the public have fallen for the idea and Starbucks, Monmouth Coffee and Nude Espresso are making a mint.

So here’s my idea. I’m going to open a chain of posh kebab houses across the nation with a view to invigorating the night-time kebab landscape. I’ll call them Kosta Kebab and they’ll be a calming retreat for pissheads on their way home from the prolificacy and spontaneity of the pub. A friendly atmosphere with family photos of the staff or maybe a space for local artists to display their pieces for sale. The kebab shops will breathe oldé worldé charm and I’ll invest in comfortable leather furniture for people who are hammered to fall onto when pissed or when kicking lumps out of each other in the queue.

I’ll charge about £40 for a kebab but instead of a chicken shish or doner kebab I’ll serve:

·         Kebabistan Burgers

·         We-also-do-chips Kebab

·         Mystery Meat Kebab

·         Imperial Overlord of the Shish Kebab

·         The Good Kebab and the Ugly

·         Shish Happens Kebab

·         McTurk Kebab

·         Smokey McPot Kebab

·         Prima-doner Kebab

·         Pitta the Great Kebab

·         Kardiak Arrest Kebab (KAK)

·         Hit the Bottle Kebab

·         Doner Summer Kebab

·         Kamel-Toe Kebab

·         Hubble-Bubble Shisha Kebab

·         Horse meat kebab (had to be done, didn’t it?)

Come on, no one can deny that's going to be a winner!