Let's Invite Hostile People from Hostile Nations to Live Peacefully Here

I once had a crowd of Somalis (or so I thought) working for me on a job. Big job, worth about £2.5 billion all told, and I had them as a clean-up gang. Lazy sods actually. I’d walk on a floor and they’d stand up. I used to say, ‘You’re supposed to stand up and do something when I walk in the room, not just stand up.’

‘Boss?’

I could tell more stories, but one day they had a massive tear-up, attacking each other on site, slinging scaffold poles around and picking up anything they could find to bash each other with. It was a right set-to and took some sorting out, not least because they weren’t all Somalis. Half of them were Ethiopians, and they hate each other. I had no idea. They always had a look that was somewhere between melancholy and hostile.

Considering that, chew this over. If you invite people from the Middle East and Africa into our green and pleasant land and then allow Palestinians to march against Jews, you’re bound to get trouble. Starmer should really be able to work that one out for himself. And then if you ban Maccabi Tel Aviv fans from Aston Villa football ground because Muslims have threatened them with violence (instead of banning the Muslims who were threatening them), it would lead to a hell of a lot of bad publicity.

Now put Egyptians, Jordanians, Syrians, Lebanese, Iraqis, and Yemeni into the mix, and even though they all hate Jews allow them to land their small boat on the shores of Dover. Now Egyptians don’t like the Sudanese or the Lebanese. There’s a civil war in Sudan, so half of them don’t like the other half. There’s also, of course, a civil war in Syria. There was a civil war in Somalia, which recruited many child soldiers, and these will now be in their late twenties, and they think nothing of taking a life. Somalis don’t like Ethiopians. Turks don’t like Kurds. People from Rwanda hate those from the Democratic Republic of Congo, and vice versa. And Iran has managed to destabilise several Arab nations, including Lebanon, Syria, Iraq, and Yemen. The Middle East is a battleground for military responses from terrorists such as Hamas and Hezbollah. Ethiopia and Eritrea are at war. There’s always conflict between India and Pakistan. There’s a civil war going on in Myanmar. And there are mass kidnappings and murders going on in Nigeria.

The whole of the Middle East and Africa is a fucking hotbed of conflict and bloodshed!

But sod it, we’ll have them all (even if they are in the country illegally), pay for their hotel accommodation, keep them healthy and fighting fit with three good meals a day, give them free dental treatment and an Aspen credit card that the taxpayer will pick up the tab for, then let them loose into our communities.

Two things are bound to happen: 1) as most of them come from countries where the women are kept covered up, they’ll have, shall we say, adverse reactions to seeing British women who aren’t covered up, even in some areas wearing bikinis on the beach, and sexual assaults will be on the rise, and 2) because they all hate each other, it won’t be long before they turn our streets into a battle ground. Because one thing’s for certain, people who’ve been child soldiers during Somali’s Civil War are not going to arrive here and start having picnics at the park or going for a paddle and an ice cream cone down the beach.

And it’s all on Starmer’s head. What on earth does he expect?